Some more self reflection

I’m not sure if I’m just going though a blue patch, but I don’t think I like how the Studio Units are set out.

It seems like I haven’t so much learned about programming but more about how to organise a repo, documents, making a shitty game using hacky code and how to go about testing a game.

With the first game, I came to realise that as a programmer, I need to have more input into the game.  With this current game, my input isn’t heard and I feel like it is going to be an atrocious game.  There are no mechanics to speak of and suggestions to implement more mechanics have been discounted because it is a “story driven game”.  I have even used the “but at least it gives the appearance of game play” argument, but no go.

I have spent a lot of time over this last week studying “shaders” and have finally found the Cg references in unity but still can’t make heads or tails about them… and half the ones I can find and try to use in my version of Unity so I can try and reverse engineer them, won’t work in the current version.  And what is the difference between Cg shaders and Compute Shaders … but most of all … How do the friggin things work in the first place?

I have realised that between my age and my stroke damage, I doubt I will even gain employment in an Indie Company and will have to work for my self.  I am useless in Studio Examinations because it takes me too long to try and recall the correct use for functions etc.  I am far better suited to taking my time in assignment assessments, which hardly makes me a candidate for employment.  My age means that I have had little exposure to current computer languages and leaves me in the unenviable position of not knowing what I don’t know.  This sounds weird, but I feel it is the case.  I don’t know what to ask, because I don’t know enough about computing to know how to frame the questions.

My tutor was recently talking to another programmer about something and I though I might listen in and maybe learn something new.  It was obviously far beyond my knowledge limits and I was clueless about what they were talking about.  Something about reading from memory but doing jumps aver other data that was being read later … or something.  Something to do with Paralax or something similar.

I will have a long period after this Trimester, if I in fact get through this trimester, to have a good long think about what I am going to do.  I was really hoping that this course would have made me more employable, but I am now doubting that.


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